I thought to make a pros and cons list of travelling with a friend based on my own experience this past May. In my case, I went to Paris with my best friend for a whole month, and while we’ve never reached the limit of our tolerance for one another historically, I was a little worried that the pressures of travel and simply being around someone for that long would stir up some drama. I at least expected to argue once in a while. But nope. I’m happy to report that we spent 90% of everyday together and we never fought. It was almost creepy…..But to be fair, we are both the type of people who recede into themselves when they’re upset so, I’d wager that both of us (I know I did) felt very upset at one point during the trip and just did a good job of hiding it. Nevertheless, we got along really well with no problems whatsoever. Granted, we are probably a rare/lucky case, but there are still definite advantages to travelling with a friend and some less obvious disadvantages.
(+) It Made Travelling Easier:
It was so much easier to navigate new places and situations with someone to lean on and bounce ideas off of. Plus the tedious parts of travel like airports and delays, buses and traffic, and crowded metro rides were 100% more fun because I had my friend to talk to. Also, travelling together made the trip safer in my opinion. There’s a lot to be worried about when you’re a girl in a foreign country, but luckily we were a team. Being a two person show made us look and feel like less of a target (despite what you may have seen in Taken).
(-) It did make it harder to learn French:
The goal of our trip was to take a French language class, so obviously speaking French was part of the package. But honestly, I think both of us probably would have benefited more and learned faster had we been on our own. We did have the tendency to use the other as a crutch in social situations. Plus, in a new culture, the temptation to fall back into English was so strong because it was easy and comfortable. So we defaulted to speaking English to each other quite a lot which didn’t really help our goal of cultural immersion. Although, we did try to combat this tendency by making a game of it. For instance, we would force ourselves to walk around the city and speak only in French for an hour at a time or we would play vocab games walking down the sidewalk. Ultimately, it wasn’t ideal for learning quickly, but it was arguably more fun.
(+) There was always someone there:
I always had someone to share these experiences with, and (most importantly) I had someone to laugh with. For example, we laughed for days when these frankly awful jewelry advertisements showed up in the Metro one day. They featured a giant, fluffy and fluorescent pink kitten looking down on you from on high. If I had been alone, it may have just been bizarre, but with my friend it became the butt of every joke and the mascot for our Metro rides. Added bonus, a friend that you share your experience with can also double as your photographer to capture said experience, see exhibit A!
More seriously though, my friend and I are both French minors and are both studying art history, so having her with me meant that I had someone who not only understood my excitement but shared it. We were so geeked to personally see all the art and monuments we learn about in class like point zéro or the Louvre. To see something in person when we’ve only read about and seen in pictures was meaningful to the both of us. And I want to mention the difference for me between the words “see” and “experience.” I could have seen everything in Paris and London by myself but I experienced as well because my friend and I could talk about and analyze everything together, and her presence put the sights in context for me. In other words, her presence reminded me of how far I’d come to see this, and how valuable it was to be able to see in person the things I’ve only studied in abstract. In the same way she was there to share my excitement; my friend also experienced many of the same setbacks. And while dealing with culture shock and self-doubt in the classroom was not particularly pleasant, at least there was always someone to turn to who felt the very same discomfort.
(-)There was always someone there:
Because our phones weren’t reliable internationally and there was only one key to our apartment, we did everything together except for our separate classes. Plus she’s my best friend, so I really couldn’t just be like “We’re in Paris. Bye, Felicia.” But sometime it was difficult having someone present at all times. Their conversation can interrupt your thoughts, you’re tethered to them (you can’t just walk off), and fundamentally you can always feel their presence which can get tiresome even if they’re not bothering you in any way. In addition, we were experiencing new things in a different culture every single day, and it was difficult (for me at least) to organize my feelings and impressions and then express those jumbled feelings all the time. When you’re with someone, you can never be truly closed off because you have to interact with them on some level. But sometimes I just wanted to feel and keep it inside for myself.
(+/-) I had to share Flan sometimes……
There is so much to experience in new places, and a particularly important part of French culture is the cuisine. Flan (as you may have noticed) was my most favorite dessert/snack/breakfast/lunch/dinner to purchase from a local boulangerie. More than that, it was the first thing that I regularly got from anywhere. And that ritual, that small bit of routine, helped me feel grounded and a part of the city as opposed to an outsider drowning in a sea of foreign culture. So you may call flan an “insignificant dessert that this girl keeps going on and on about but I’ve never heard of and probably isn’t even that good anyway.” I call it a “life preserver.” I also say that flan is delicious. Anyway, French flan was an almost embarrassingly important part of my trip, and occasionally social etiquette dictated that I had to let my friend try a bite of my (my) delicious confection. It was sad. But in the end, I suppose I wouldn’t have wanted my friend to miss out on the glorious experience that is eating flan. Besides, in general splitting some macarons or sharing a cup of espresso or even sharing flan with your best friend in Paris? The best feeling in the world.
Honestly, I think that there are benefits for both travelling solo and alone, but overall I’m so grateful for travelling with my friend because it showed me what it’s like and that I can do this. I had a wonderful experience. While I think in the future I’d like to go alone to be able to compare the experiences, I do not regret going with my friend because this experience put me in a place where I feel capable of travelling alone. And as a whole, it was just so much more fun travelling with a fellow dork.
lifesansflan 